


Insomnia

by fanfic814



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel, Crying Dean, Hurt/Comfort, Insomnia, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Hell, Season/Series 04
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-23 12:08:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6115999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic814/pseuds/fanfic814
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's back from Hell and that dick of an angel Castiel is constantly on his case...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

That gravely-voiced dick of an angel was getting on Dean's last fucking nerve.

It was bad enough that he was still reeling from spending four months in hell, but to find out  _that_ _asshole_ was the one who rescued him?  It was like adding insult to injury, the way he'd swaggered into the barn like he owned the place, blowing out every lightbulb and flashing his wings in some sort of dominance display.  Everything about the guy just set his teeth on edge.

The worst part was how he acted like Dean  _owed_ him.  Even now, Dean could hear that voice echoing in his head:  "You should show me some respect.  I dragged you out of Hell.  I can throw you back in."  Sure, Dean had kind of been a smartass to him, but he thought he had some legitimate reasons to be pissed. These angels were practically worthless. All that collective power and they couldn't stop Lilith?  How the hell did they get roped into this whole thing anyway? Consorting with angels, trying to stop Lilith from breaking seals that would release Lucifer from Hell? It was a bit much, even for them.

He rolled over in his bed, pulling the blanket up to his chin as he glanced over at Sam.

Sam was sleeping soundly, without a care in the world, his legs hanging half off the too-short motel bed.  If one good thing came of this, at least he was still around to take care of Sammy.

Dean, on the other hand, couldn't sleep. He hadn't slept at all since he'd been back from Hell. The nightmares were just too intense. The things he had seen, the things he had done... Frankly, he'd be surprised if he ever slept again.

Four months. It had only been four months while he was away, but it felt like forty years. Time passed differently there, and though it may not have aged him physically, mentally and emotionally he felt like an old man finally back from the war.

Every so often his eyes would slip closed, and suddenly he was there again, the shrieks reverberating in his ears, the smell of blood and burning flesh stinging his nostrils...

He jolted awake quickly to see a dark figure silhouetted against the motel's only window. Great. Castiel again. What did the asshole want this time?

Dean stood and walked toward him questioningly.

"Come with me," the angel said, grabbing Dean's wrist. Dean didn't even have time to protest as he suddenly found himself inside a large, elaborately decorated hotel room.

"What the fuck was that? " Dean asked, holding his head as if he could stop it from spinning. "And where the hell are we?"

"San Diego, California. Paradise Hotel. Honeymoon suite. "  
  
Dean spun around to take in his surroundings, then he rushed to the window.  Palm trees.  Ocean. _What the hell?_  
  
"Look, _Cas._  I don't know what you have in mind here, but I don't swing that way."  
  
"Don't be stupid," Castiel growled.  "And like hell you don't."    
  
Dean's face immediately flushed.  How the hell did he know about that?  It was just once.  Okay, maybe twice...   
  
"Lie down," Castiel demanded.   
  
"What?  That's what I was doing before you zapped me here!  What the fuck is wrong with you?"  
  
Castiel narrowed his eyes threateningly.  "You haven't slept since I dragged you out of Hell.  You will sleep here.  Do I need to explain again the dire nature of what is happening right now?  I need you well-rested and ready for action."  
  
Dean sighed in frustration.  "Don't you think if I _could_ sleep I _would_?  How the hell is this going to be any different?  And don't you think Sam is going to wonder where I went?"   
  
"Sam isn't even going to realize you're gone," he said sternly. "I'll have you back before he wakes.   And you'll be able to sleep as long as you're close to me.  My Grace will shield you from your memories."  
  
"Your what?"  
  
Castiel huffed a long-suffering sigh and touched two fingers to Dean's forehead.  Almost immediately, Dean felt bathed in warmth and more relaxed than he had ever been.  Cas's hand pulled away and immediately the feeling disappeared.     
  
"Lie down," Castiel demanded again, shoving him down on the bed.   
  
The alpha male in Dean was still having a hard time being bossed around, but he finally acquiesced,  if for no other reason than to shut the angel up. He tensed as Castiel crawled into bed and lay down next to him, but as soon as their shoulders touched, his body began to relax on it's own again.  He could literally _feel_ the stress leaving his body as it was replaced with a euphoric, almost drugged feeling of relaxation.  
  
  
"So you're just going to lie here and watch me sleep?" Dean asked tiredly.    
  
"Yes."  
  
"Yeah, that's not creepy," Dean said, sighing for the millionth time that night.  
  
"Enough.  Just sleep."  
  
Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, marveling at how comfortable  he felt.  He wasn't sure he'd _ever_ been so relaxed.  He quickly realized that the closer he was to Cas, the better he felt, and in his blissful, drowsy state, he inched in as close as possible.    
  
He'd planned on making another snide comment, but the words didn't made it past his lips before he was sound asleep. 


	2. Chapter 2

Dean's life was spiraling out of control. In the last few weeks he'd found out that Sammy had been infected with demon blood as an infant, and he was using the psychic powers gained from it to exorcise demons. He also had been meeting up with a demon named Ruby, who Dean didn't trust at all. Sure, she acted like she was trying to help, but she was still a fucking _demon_.  What good could possibly come of that?

Castiel had sent him back in time to show him how it all happened, yet Dean still didn't completely believe it until he walked in on Sam performing an exorcism himself. Cas had warned him that if he couldn't stop Sam, the angels would.

He and Sam had fought about it. Hell, Dean got two good punches in before he finally told him what Castiel had said. Sam again swore that he'd stop using his powers, but Dean wasn't sure he believed him. Things had been different between them since he came back from Hell.  Sammy seemed to be disappearing every so often, acting strangely, and sneaking around behind Dean's back.   He had no idea what Sam was up to; he just knew something wasn't quite right.  All of this tension made for a lot of awkward car trips.

As the crusade to stop Lilith continued, more angels began to appear.  The one they met tonight was the worst so far.  If Dean thought Castiel was a dick, then Uriel was _king_ dick. When they heard tales of a witch trying to break one of the seals, Uriel had absolutely no qualms about killing off an entire city full of people to stop her. Even Castiel seemed cowed by him at times, but he came through tonight when it mattered, calling Uriel off while Dean made the call in how to proceed. He'd made a good choice. In the end, Sam had to use his damn powers again in desperation, but they were able to spare the entire town, a choice Dean would make a million times over if he had to.  There was no way in Hell he was going to sacrifice so many innocent people.

Afterwards, Cas had praised him for making the right decision, and told him this was all a test - the first of many difficult decisions he'd have to make.  He looked truly sad and tired as he spoke this time, even telling Dean he didn't envy him.  It was a lot to ask of any one person, and Castiel knew it.   He'd even opened up a little bit, admitting that he had some doubts about his orders and Heaven's plans.  That afternoon, Dean decided that maybe Cas wasn't as bad as he thought.  He had actually even begun to like him a bit. Or at the very least he didn't hate him as much. 

Cas came to him that evening and whisked him away to sleep again, and for the first time, Dean didn't protest. He had actually been coming on occasion, on the days where Dean just couldn't function anymore without sleep. It was almost as if Cas knew when he needed a break.  Sometimes they wouldn't even speak; Dean would glare at him, but what could he possibly do?  Being held hostage by an angel halfway across the country?  He'd huff and he'd grumble, but he was secretly thankful for the few hours of rest.

Tonight though, Dean felt like talking. And he didn't hold back - he told Castiel about his own doubts and the fear he had about Sam and his powers. And though he couldn't offer much in terms of advice, Castiel sympathized. In a way, they were both in the same boat, following orders over which they had no control. Dean could only hold it all in for so long, until tonight when the dam finally burst. He curled up in a ball, and he cried. He cried hard, over the stresses of Hell, the worry about his brother, and over the pressure and uncertainty of the road ahead.

Castiel sat there helplessly, not really sure how to react to these foreign human emotions. After fumbling unsuccessfully for something to say, he finally lay down behind him and reached an awkward arm forward, tentatively wrapping it around Dean's waist.   
  
Dean clutched at his hand desperately and Cas let his Grace surround them like a cocoon.  Almost immediately, he felt that familiar warmth set in. It started at his waist, where Cas's arm was and radiated out into his toes and the top of his head, moving over him in soothing waves.  The tears began to slow, and the ugly sobbing stopped.  Dean wiped frantically at his face and sniffled before finally rolling onto his back.    
  
"Sorry," he muttered sheepishly.  
  
Cas kept his arm firmly around his waist.  "For what?"  
  
Dean shook his head.  The angel didn't quite grasp a lot of human subtleties, but at least he was trying.  "Nevermind.  He closed his eyes and threaded his fingers between Cas's, holding onto his hand like a security blanket.    
  
"Thanks, Cas."  
  
"You're welcome," Castiel said softly.  
  
"Hey, this is the first time you haven't bitched at me for calling you 'Cas'," Dean mumbled sleepily.  
  
"I know.  Get some sleep, Dean."


	3. Chapter 3

Just when Dean thought his life couldn't possibly get worse, it did.

He hadn't seen Cas in a while, so he startled when he suddenly showed up with Uriel in their hotel room. Immediately, bile began to rise in the back of Dean's throat. He didn't even know what they wanted yet, but if Uriel was involved, it was probably bad news.

Cas was already pacing nervously and apologizing as Uriel began to speak, but Uriel quickly snapped at him, reminding him of his place. Cas stared at Dean helplessly as Uriel explained what was about to happen.

Seven angels had recently been killed and the angels had taken a high-ranking demon captive. Dean had been chosen to interrogate and torture him to find out who was behind the killings. Of course Dean basically told Uriel to fuck off, but it soon became apparent that he had no choice in the matter.

Before Dean could even blink, he was in an empty warehouse with Castiel and Uriel... and Alastair, the demon who tortured him in Hell.  He was the demon who turned him into a monster, the one who taught him the torture techniques to begin with. Immediately Dean slipped into panic mode. They could _not_ leave him alone in a room with that demon.  And to ask him to torture him?  When he left Hell, Dean was sure his torturing days were over. He couldn't go down that road again.  It might not kill him, but it would sure as hell fuck him up, and he was already hanging by a thread.  Dean tried like hell to escape, but Uriel easily stopped him.

"I want to talk to Cas alone," Dean demanded. Surprisingly, Uriel walked away, practically smirking to himself at Dean's predicament. 

"You can't make me do this, Cas," Dean begged. "If I walk in there, you're not gonna like what walks out."

"I'm sorry, Dean," Cas sighed. "I'm so sorry. We don't have a choice. These are our orders. They sent Uriel along with me because they're starting to doubt my capabilities. They think I feel too much sympathy for humans."

"So show some of that sympathy now!" Dean yelled. "You gotta get me out of here, Cas. You saw what happened to me in Hell. You saw what he did to me, what he turned me into! You've seen how fucked up I am!   Shit, you've been watching me sleep when the nightmares get too bad! You can't put me through this again!  I'm beggin' you, Cas."

Cas looked at him sadly. "I have no control here, Dean. I would give anything for you to not have to do this. I don't know what to do, " he admitted helplessly.  
  
Dean nodded grimly.  He gritted his teeth and headed toward Alastair. 

Though he had a few random scenes permanently seared into his brain, the next thing he remembered was waking up in a fucking hospital with Sam sitting next to his bed.    
  
"Dean!"  Sam exclaimed.  "Dean, talk to me."  
  
"You... killed Alastair?" Dean croaked, trying hard to remember what he had seen.  He thought he saw Sam kill Alastair with his psychic powers, but to be fair, he was pretty out of it right now.  Hell, maybe he'd dreamed it.   
  
"Yes," Sam said softly.  "I know... save it for when you're feeling better."  
  
Dean nodded weakly and closed his eyes again.  
  
He was so tired, sleep came easily.  However, every so often his memory would hit him with a brief flash of Alastair... of Dean flaying his skin and burning him with holy water... Of Alastair escaping from the Devil's Trap and beating the shit out of him.  He'd passed out a few times, but he'd remembered searing pain and the smell of blood - his own blood.   He also remembered Alastair taunting him... telling him that he had set this whole process in motion - that it was his fault the seals had begun to open.  
  
Dean opened his eyes again and tried to sit up quickly, reaching for the bedpan next to him.   He vomited until he was weak and covered in sweat, while Sam ran to flag down a nurse to get him something stronger for his pain.   
  
When Dean awoke a while later, Cas was standing over him.  Dean was pretty doped up on painkillers at that point, but he was pretty sure Cas's eyes were watering.    
  
"Uriel is dead," he said flatly.  "He was working against us."  
  
"Not surprised," Dean rasped.  He took a deep breath before speaking again.  "Is it true? Did I break the first seal?  Did I start all this?"   
  
"Yes," Cas admitted.  "When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you..."  
  
"Jump started the apocalypse," Dean said faintly.  
  
"And we were too late."  
  
"Why didn't you just leave me there, then?" Dean managed.  He wanted to get angry, to yell and shake his fists, but he was so weak.    
  
"It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it," Castiel said evenly.  
  
"Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch! What does that mean!"  He managed to yell this time, but fuck if it didn't take every bit of his energy to do it.  
  
"I don't know."  
  
"Bull."  
  
"I don't," Castiel said sadly.  "Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you"  
  
"Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not—I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me," Dean begged.    
  
He didn't even attempt to stop the fat tears from rolling down his face this time.  It was all just too much.  How much torture could one man endure?  He knew all of this was completely unreasonable, way more than should be asked of anyone.  And yet he still felt like the world's biggest failure. He couldn't save Sammy.  Hell, he couldn't even save himself.  How the hell was he supposed to save the entire fucking world?  
  
Sam came back into the room from his coffee run and Dean turned his face away.  It was one thing letting Cas see him cry, but he really didn't want Sam to see.  Of course, he did anyway.  
  
"What the hell did you do to him?"  Sam demanded.  "What did you say?"  
  
"Nothing.  Sam, your brother has been through a lot. It's natural for him to express his emotions this way..."  
  
"You know what I mean," Sam growled.   "He was fine before I left."  
  
"M'fine, Sammy," Dean mumbled. "Just... stress," he said in a shaky voice.    
  
Sam huffed angrily and slumped back down in his chair.  The three of them sat in an awkward silence, with only the sound of Dean's sniffling breaking the stillness.    
  
"I'm taking Dean with me tonight," Cas suddenly said.   
  
"What?" Sam yelled.  "You're not taking him anywhere!  He can barely move!  The last time you took him somewhere, he was nearly killed!"  
  
Cas stood and calmly walked over to Sam.  "Listen to me, you demon-killing abomination," he growled.  "You don't have to like me, because I sure as hell don't like you.  But the one thing we have in common is that we're both trying to protect your brother.  I can take care of him better than you can right now."  
  
"I just killed a fucking _demon_!"  Sam snarled.  "I think I'm able to protect my brother.  And right now the best place for him to be is in the hospital!" Sam was trembling with rage.  "You already told me you can't heal him, so why the hell are you still here?"  
  
Cas sighed heavily.  "I'm here because I want to help him.  I know this is my fault.  I'm sorry.  But there may be something I can do. Please, Sam.  Let me help."    
  
Sam shot him a vicious glare.  "Why?  So you can use him again?  Like a pawn in your little game?"  
  
"You're both talking about me like I'm not fucking here!" Dean loudly interrupted.  "Shut the hell up and listen to me!  I might be half-dead here, but I can still decide for myself."  
  
Both Castiel and Sam fell silent, staring at the floor guiltily.    
  
"Cas, unless you're able to heal me, there's no way I'm leaving this hospital right now," Dean continued.  "And believe me, I hate hospitals."  
  
"Dean, I... I may be able to heal you."  
  
"You already told me you couldn't!" Sam yelled.   
  
Cas's nostrils flared indignantly.  "I can heal him, Sam.  But do you understand what just happened?  Uriel, my superior, was a traitor.  He's dead now, and I don't which orders were really coming from Heaven, if any at all!  Your brother is valuable to the angels.  They will come looking for him.  For weeks, I've been told they're doubting my ability to handle this situation because I'm getting too close to humans."  
  
"So what does this have to do with..." Sam started.  
  
"If I heal him in the usual way, they will feel my Grace.  And if they do, they will come after me and remove me from this job, one way or another.  You've met Uriel.  Let's just say that whoever replaces me will be ten times worse than him."  
  
Sam's features sobered as he finally fell silent.    
  
"So you can't heal me," Dean interrupted.  "Okay.  Stayin' here then," he mumbled sleepily.   
  
"I can't heal you instantly, in the usual way.  But I _can_ do it slowly, over the period of a few hours.  If I don't exert my Grace too quickly, they won't notice."  
  
Sam looked at him skeptically.  "You're sure it'll work?  It's bad, Cas.  Broken bones, punctured organs..."  
  
"It'll work,"  Cas said resolutely.  
  
Sam sighed and shrugged at Dean. "It's your call."  
  
Dean nodded slowly, and he looked up at Cas.  "What do we have to do?"


	4. Chapter 4

Minutes later, Dean was lying on a hotel bed in god-knows where with Castiel hovering over him.

"Are you comfortable?  There are more pillows in the closet.  Would you like me to prop your head up?" Castiel was suddenly fussing over him like a mama bird as he tried to make Dean as comfortable as possible.

"Maybe one more pillow."  Dean groaned as he tried to adjust himself to the least painful position.

Cas quickly procured the pillow and helped Dean sit up enough to shove it under his shoulders.  "What else can I get you?" Castiel asked.

"A big-ass bottle of whiskey?" Dean laughed weakly.

Before he could even blink, Cas was gone.

"Fuck, I was just kidding," Dean mumbled.

"What?"  Cas appeared in front of him with an extremely large bottle of expensive whiskey and two glasses.

Dean nodded approvingly.  "Well, okay then.  If you've got it.  Fill me up."  He lifted his head off the pillow enough to slam back the double-shot Cas had poured.  "Alright.  Make with the healing already."

Cas crawled into bed next to him and slipped his arm around Dean's waist.  He gently placed his head on Dean's shoulder and Dean twitched a little as he thought about how weird this was.  Still, the waves of healing emanating from Cas were already calming him, incrementally lessening his pain, so he didn't complain.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," Castiel whispered. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Don't worry about it.  Your hands were tied," Dean said tiredly.

Cas took a deep, shaky breath.  "I don't know what to believe anymore.  Tonight Uriel said 'There is no God'.  If my Father is no longer in control up there, then who's running things?  Where are the commands coming from?  I don't know what's real and what isn't."  
  
Dean was already getting sleepy as a result of Cas's Grace, but he fought to stay awake.  "I wish I knew, Cas.  If there's anything I've learned lately is that I don't know shit."  He closed his eyes, trying to block out the memories of what had just happened, but his mind kept coming back to the same thing - Sam.  Sam had killed Alastair with his psychic powers.  He'd been worried for months, but tonight he felt like he'd finally lost him.  Sam was too far gone, and Dean didn't know what to do anymore.

"Tonight was the first time I've ever chosen someone over Sam," Dean blurted.  He didn't even realize he'd said it out loud, so when Cas responded, he jumped.

"What do you mean?"

"I usually wouldn't trust anyone's judgement over Sam's.  I think I've lost him, Cas.  That shit he pulled tonight?  Honestly, it fuckin' scared me. I'm scared of my own damn brother right now," he sighed as he fought the urge to cry again.  God, he was a fuckin' wus lately.  And why the hell was he relating all this to _Castiel_ anyway?

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered.  "Somehow we'll figure this all out, Dean.  The angels, Lilith, your brother, all of it."  Mindlessly, his hand slipped to Dean's chest, soothingly rubbing little circles against his heart.  Castiel knew that when he pulled Dean out of Hell, branding him with his hand print, they would share a bond.  His Grace had imprinted on Dean's soul and vice-versa.  However, he was not prepared for the sudden possessiveness he was feeling right now.  This was _his_ human -  and he suddenly realized he'd fight to the death to protect him, even if it meant rebelling against Heaven.

"We're only two people, Cas.  Well, one person and an angel.  How the hell do you think we're going to take on the fucking apocalypse?"

"The only way we can.  One step at a time."  Cas's hand slid from his chest, up his neck, and he ran his fingers gently through Dean's hair.  Usually Dean would have protested at such an intimate gesture, but every time Cas touched him, that warm, healing feeling hit him like a drug, slowly and surely easing his pain.

Cas's hand trailed down to gently cup his bruised cheek and Dean let out a quivery exhale.  He lingered there a moment, studying his human's face. Even swollen and bruised, it was a beautiful face. He had clutched Dean's soul when he rescued him from Hell, and he couldn't understand why Dean thought so poorly of himself. It wasn't just his physical beauty, he was loyal and brave, kind and thoughtful... his soul shone so brightly. It was no wonder Heaven had referred to him as 'the righteous man'. It all filled Castiel with emotions he didn't quite understand.

He swept his hand to the opposite side of Dean's face, resting it over the black eye before sweeping his fingers down to his mouth.  Almost immediately the small wound closed up as Cas caressed his thumb across the plush, pink bottom lip.

A little groan escaped Dean's throat as the tip of his tongue darted out to flick at Cas's thumb, and almost immediately his eyes flew open. What the hell was he doing? Thankfully, Castiel didn't seem to think twice about it. He had already moved his hand down to gently wrap around his throat, soothing the purple marks left from Alastair's grip. Dean closed his eyes again and took a deep breath as Cas slid back down his chest and began rubbing his stomach.

"Cas, " Dean mumbled, "What... Uhh... is this how you normally heal people? "

Cas shook his head. "I've never had the need to heal a human before. But I told you, usually I'd just touch two fingers to your forehead and heal you instantly. Since I can't do that right now, I'm healing you with my residual Grace. You may have noticed that just being close to me provides some benefits..." Cas began rubbing small circles against Dean's hip.

Dean nodded. "The touching?"

Cas shrugged. "You didn't protest, so I kept going. It works faster through touch. "

Dean let out another shaky exhale as Cas's hands worked his way down his thighs. "Fuck," he suddenly jerked and Cas paused.

"Did I hurt you? " Cas asked in concern.

Dean laughed anxiously. "Uh... no. "

Cas squinted confusedly. "What's wrong? "

Dean covered his face with a hand as he laughed. "Uhh... I don't know how to say this, but uh... All this touching is making me horny, " he blurted. "Sorry."

Cas was still looking at him in confusion. He had tilted his head slightly and narrowed his eyes as if trying to solve a particularly difficult riddle. "I'm afraid I don't understand that reference," he finally said.

"Aw shit. Umm. Aroused? " he cringed, searching for a word Cas would understand.

"This shouldn't arouse you.  It should be making you tired... perhaps there is something wrong with my powers," Castiel puzzled.

Dean sighed. " _Sexually_ aroused, Cas."  On the bright side, it was quickly fading as he struggled to explain himself.

"Oh!" Castiel exclaimed. "I... apologize."  
  
"Maybe keep it above the belt, huh?" Dean chuckled nervously.   
  
Cas nodded and leaned into him, resting his head on Dean's shoulder again while practically wrapping the rest of his body around him.   
  
Dean shifted uncomfortably.  Cas was... well shit, he was _snuggling_  him.  "Cas..." Dean started.  But the overwhelming warmth and tingling of healing was washing over him faster now.  Almost as soon as he had tensed up, his body started to relax again.  "This is... comfy," he sighed.    
  
"Good," Cas said.  "Sleep, Dean.  It'll take a few more hours before the healing is complete anyway."   
  
"Yeah," Dean slurred.  "'Kay."  He let his arm wrap around Cas's back and chuckled softly as Cas shivered.  "Does this feel even half as good for you as it does for me?"  he asked, already feeling blissfully intoxicated.    
  
"I don't know," Castiel admitted.  "But it does feel nice."


	5. Chapter 5

Dean felt like a part of him had just died. It wasn't the split lip, or the black eye, or the broken nose that hurt so much. It was his heart.  Sam had almost killed him tonight.

The 'bad' had gone to worse for Sam, and Dean and Bobby finally decided to pull an intervention for his demon-blood addiction.

Between the two of them, they managed to trap Sam in Bobby's panic room as they waited for him to detox. Dean had been through some awful shit lately, but listening to Sam scream and cry and beg was one of the most painful things he had ever done in his life. It only got worse as they went to check on him and found him spasming around on the floor, just seconds before the rampant demon blood flung him up against the wall.

Handcuffing Sam to the cot for his own safety made Dean feel even guiltier, but they really didn't have a choice. Once upstairs, he and Bobby argued on how to deal with this situation. Bobby worried that making Sam quit cold turkey was killing him, and suggested that maybe they needed to let him go kill Lilith while he was strong and hopped up on demon blood.

According to Cas, Sam _was_ capable of killing Lilith, but the amount of blood he'd have to consume to do so would render him utterly inhuman. There was no way Dean could let that happen. And as much as it hurt, he told Bobby that he'd rather let Sam die human than live as a monster.

Of course things couldn't work out as planned for Dean.  Somehow, Sam had managed to escape. Bobby caught up with him before he got far, and tried to talk some sense into him.  In the end, Sam managed to knock Bobby out and steal his car and he made his way to his blood supplier, Ruby.

Dean, of course, took off after him as fast as he could, and when he arrived, he found Ruby alone.  Without a second thought, he reached for his demon blade, but before he could act Sam came storming in and stopped him.

From there things went from bad to worse.  It started with an argument, which got so bad that Dean tearfully called Sam a monster.  A fistfight ensued, and Dean was quickly overpowered by his juiced-up brother.  Dean was flung across the room like a rag doll, nearly useless against Sam's new-found powers. Before he even knew what was happening, Sam was choking him.  The blind rage in his eyes was the scariest thing Dean had ever experienced.  He couldn't breathe, and as his vision started to black out he was certain this was how he was going to die, at his brother's hands. At the last possible moment, Sam dropped him.  As Dean lay there broken and bloody on the floor, he used his last breath to yell words that were haunting him even now.  They were the exact same words their father had said to Sam before he went away to college:

"You walk out that door, don't you ever come back."

Without a second thought, Sam left.

Almost immediately, Dean passed out.  He came to a few minutes later, and then lay there for what felt like hours before he finally attempted to sit up.  Everything ached.  He was sure his nose was broken, so he reached up and snapped it back into place with a loud grunt.   He tried to stand, but it quickly became apparent that his ankle was broken. The tears were flowing now, both from hurt and anger.  He could drag himself to the car, but it was going to be hell to try to drive with his left foot.  He couldn't promise himself that he wouldn't pass out again anyway.

He lay back down and took a few deep breaths.  "Cas?" he croaked.  "I don't know if you can hear me, but I need your help."  He closed his eyes and waited.  And waited.  And waited.  "Cas, please.  I need you," he mumbled as he felt himself fading out again.

When he woke this time, Castiel was lowering him onto a shitty motel mattress. "Dean?" Cas asked.  "What happened?  Who did this to you?"

"Sammy," he wheezed.  "And he's gone.  Cas, he's fuckin' gone..."

Cas was staring at him in shock.  "Sam did this?" he asked.  "I'm so sorry, Dean," Cas said sorrowfully as he surveyed the damage.  He frowned and held up two fingers, moving toward Dean's forehead.

"Cas, wait," Dean managed. "If you do that they'll come after you.  You can't do that!"

Cas shooshed him quickly.  "We'll worry about that later," he said, as he touched his forehead.

Dean saw a white flash of light and a powerful warming sensation coursing through his body.  It was much like the feeling he got from sleeping next to Cas, but way more intense.  Within seconds, his entire body had healed and Dean twitched on the bed as Cas pulled back.

"Are you okay?" Cas asked.

"No," Dean trembled.  "Cas, it's over.  Sammy's gone.  He almost killed me tonight.  It's over," he repeated, curling himself into a ball.

"Dean..." Cas started, not sure what to say.

"Can you stay, Cas?" Dean asked.  His sobbing was becoming louder.  "I don't... I can't..."

"Shhhh," Cas  whispered.  "Yes, Dean.  Of course I'll stay."  Cas lay down in front of him and Dean immediately snuggled into his chest.

Cas wasn't sure what to do, so he just wrapped his arms around him and held him as he cried.  He lay there listening to Dean's sniffing and sobbing until it finally quieted. Eventually he had exhausted himself, crying until he fell asleep.

As soon as he was sure Dean was sleeping, Cas pulled away.  He lay on his back and squeezed his eyes shut tight, trying to block out what had just happened.  This was his fault.  Dean almost been killed tonight and it was all his fault.

Castiel was the one who freed Sam from his restraints.

He hadn't wanted to.  But he'd had his orders. Frankly, he didn't understand half of his commands anymore, but he was a _soldier_.  Following orders was all he had ever known.  It was his sole purpose in life.  Cas had been questioning his superiors for a while now, but this was the final straw.  Maybe if he had defied orders, Sam would still be detoxing in Bobby's basement.  Maybe Dean never would have had to live through the trauma of his brother nearly killing him.  Maybe Sam wouldn't be with Ruby right now, drinking her blood.  Maybe...  
  
Cas couldn't drive himself crazy with 'maybes'.  Anna had come to him tonight and chastised him for his actions. Anna was an angel who had rebelled, in her eyes for the greater good, and Castiel was beginning to wonder if she was right all along.  If God wasn't in control up there, perhaps corruption was spreading.  Perhaps he was just being used to further a political agenda.  Deep down, he knew that Dean's actions were just.  And he should have protected him rather than following orders he didn't agree with.  
  
Cas opened his eyes and resolutely steeled his jaw.  He was going to rebel.  Whatever it took, he was going to do it.  And he was going to do it all for Dean.   
  
Dean suddenly cried out for Sam in his sleep and Cas pulled him in close once again, letting his Grace wash over the two of them.  The longer Cas lived among these humans, the more he seemed to be feeling their emotions, and tonight he was wracked with what could only be 'guilt' and 'despair'.   
  
Dean's arms suddenly tightened around him, and Cas choked back a sob.  That night, for the first time in his long lifetime, Castiel cried.


End file.
